A Caregiver’s Bill of Rights – by Jo Horne

I have the right:

To take care of myself. This is not an act of selfishness. It will give me the capability of taking better care of my loved one.

To seek help from others even though my loved ones may object. I recognize the limits of my own endurance and strength.

To maintain facets of my own life that do not include the person I care for, just as I would if he or she were healthy. I know that I do everything that I reasonably can for this person, and I have the right to do some things just for myself.

To get angry, be depressed, and express other difficult feelings occasionally.

To reject any attempts by my loved one (either conscious or unconscious) to manipulate me through guilt, and/or depression.

To receive consideration, affection, forgiveness, and acceptance for what I do, from my loved ones, for as long as I offer these qualities in return.

To take pride in what I am accomplishing and to applaud the courage it has sometimes taken to meet the needs of my loved one.

To protect my individuality and my right to make a life for myself that will sustain me in the time when my loved one no longer need my full-time help.

To expect and demand that as new strides are made in finding resources to aid physically and mentally impaired persons in our country, similar strides will be made towards aiding and supporting caregivers.

OLD FOLKS ARE WORTH A FORTUNE

Old folks are worth a fortune: With silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys, lead in their feet and gas in their stomachs. I have become a lot more social with the passing of the years; some might even call me a frivolous old gal. I’m seeing five gentlemen every day.

       As soon as I wake, Wil Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go to see John. Then Charley Horse comes along, and when he is here he takes a lot of my time and attention. When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. (He doesn’t like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint.) After such a busy day, I’m really tired and glad to go to bed – with Ben Gay. What a life!

       P.S. The preacher came to call the other day. He said that at my age I should be thinking about the hereafter. I told him I do – all the time. No matter where I am – in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen or down in the basement – I ask myself, “Now, what am I here after?”

Living to be 100: 16 Lifestyle Characteristics of the Oldest and Healthiest People in the World – by Michael Howard, Ph.D.

  1. Have low blood sugar (less than 100 mg/dl fasting)
  2. Have low blood pressure (target is 115/75 mg HG in midlife)
  3. Have low blood total and LDL cholesterol (less than 200 mg/dL and 100 mg/DL)
  4. Keep weight low and steady (BMI 18.5- 25)
  5. Eat fewer calories
  6. Eat mostly vegetarian “Mediterranean diet” with coffee and tea
  7. Avoid nutritional deficiencies
  8. Exercise regularly, be active, and stay busy after retirement
  9. Don’t smoke or stop smoking if you do
  10. Drink less alcohol
  11. Get regular and restful sleep
  12. Have healthy gums
  13. Challenge your mind
  14. Stay positive in attitude and avoid anxiety and depression
  15. Shed those stressors, have daily structure, and be resilient
  16. Stay socially connected with serenity and a purpose of life

Believe in healing, wholeness, and wellness or you will

become a victim of disease, brokenness, and illness.

Karen Wolfrom

Peace

Anxiety is often our first reaction to conflict, problems, or even our own fears. In those moments, detaching and getting peaceful may seem disloyal or apathetic. We think: if I really care, I’ll worry; if this is really important to me, I must stay upset. We convince ourselves that outcomes will be positively affected by the amount of time we spend worrying.

Our best problem-solving resource is peace. Solutions arise easily and naturally out of a peaceful state. Often fear and anxiety block solutions. Anxiety gives power to the problems around us, not the solution. It does not help to harbor turmoil. It does not help.

Peace is available if we choose it. In spite of chaos and unsolved problems, all is well. Things will work out. We can surround ourselves with resources of the Universe: water, earth, a sunset, a walk, a prayer, a friend. We can relax and feel peace.

Today I will let go of my need to stay in turmoil. I will cultivate peace and trust that timely solutions and goodness will arise naturally and harmoniously out of the wellspring of peace. I will consciously let go and let God.

The Language of Letting Go
Daily Meditations For Codependents.
Harper Collins Publishers, 1990

I Rescue People

Meet Holly! My 7 year old rescue dog.

If you’ve ever adopted a rescue dog, you’ll know that the process often goes both ways: you think you’re rescuing them, but in reality, they end up rescuing you. That’s exactly what happened when Holly, a sweet 7-year-old rescue dog, came into our lives.

A Journey to Healing

Holly had a story, one that we were eager to learn, but it wasn’t just about her past—it was about her future, and how she could become part of the family.

In the weeks that followed her adoption, Holly revealed her resilience. It wasn’t long before we realized that, while we thought we were rescuing her, she was the one doing the real work—rescuing us.

The Power of Unconditional Love

Holly may be 7 years old, but she’s got the heart of a puppy. She has an incredible ability to sense when someone is down or feeling a little off. Whether it’s curling up beside me on tough days or offering a wag of her tail when I need a little lift, Holly reminds me daily that love doesn’t come with conditions—it just is.

She’s also taught us the value of patience. Holly didn’t come to us fully confident. She had fears to work through, from loud noises to new people. But over time, with gentle guidance and understanding, we’ve watched her blossom into a dog that greets new situations and people with more courage than we ever expected. Her journey of healing mirrors the healing that happens within ourselves when we give and receive love, trust, and companionship.

The Unexpected Joy of Adoption

When we decided to adopt Holly, we thought we were providing her with a safe home and a fresh start. What we didn’t anticipate was how much she would enrich our lives in return. From her morning greetings to her joyful spins in the yard, Holly has brought a sense of calm and joy to our household. She’s a reminder that, sometimes, the most unexpected sources of happiness come from opening our hearts to those who need us.

Adopting a rescue dog is an act of love and compassion, but it’s also a two-way street. Holly’s unconditional love has taught us to appreciate the small moments in life, to be more patient, and to approach every day with a little more joy. She’s rescued us just as much as we’ve rescued her—and for that, we’ll forever be grateful.

Caring brings Joy

Any time we care for someone, share our time with someone, it’s not just about helping them; it’s about the bond you’ll create and the unexpected ways they’ll change your life. Holly’s story is just one example of how rescue dogs can teach us the true meaning of love, patience, and joy.

PEAK – Help for parents of Estranged Kids

Parents of Estranged Adult Kids (PEAK) is a wonderful new non-profit dedicated to helping parents who are estranged from their adult children recover from the trauma of that estrangement. It was created by the author of 2 books on the topic, Fe Anam Avis, a Hendersonville, NC resident. We really believe in PEAK’s support and resources. Karen Wolfrom of Holistic Elder Services, serves on this board.

PEAK helps parents cope with the pain of being estranged from their child. While we don’t reasonably expect to forget the pain of this separation, PEAK aims to support them in improving their lives, finding meaning and purpose. The program encourages parents to move past their hurt, start to heal, and eventually be in a position to help others.

Aging Life Care Association Southeast Chapter

Karen Wolfrom, Holistic Elder Services, is proud to be an Advanced Professional member of Aging Life Care™ Association.

Aging Life Care™, also known as geriatric care management, is a holistic, client-centered approach to caring for older adults or others facing ongoing health challenges. Working with families, the expertise of Aging Life Care Professionals provides the answers at a time of uncertainty.